whatever happened to banksy’s evil disneyland. did they just leave it there. is the grim reaper still jammin it to stayin alive while riding a bumper car
life tip whatever dumb ass name you get siri to call you is what your iphone automatically signs your emails as. i have been applying to jobs for 2 months as queef.
I had to answer a security question over the phone today and it was honestly surreal the guy asked me “okay, what’s your dream car” and for a solid ten seconds I’m thinking ‘what the fuck I can’t even drive?’ and then it hits me. I made this account in 2014. I know what I have to say. I swallow my pride and whisper into the phone:
“1967 Chevy Impala.”
There’s silence. Then, he gives me my password. Fuck you, 2014 me. Fuck. You.
I just felt the shadow of something ancient and awful brush past, like a great leviathan peeking from the waves on a moonless night far from shore.
This is by far the most haunting addition to any one of my text posts. I won’t sleep tonight.
My only constant is the black hair tie around my wrist. No mans gonna be there for me like this hair tie has. No ones presence is gonna b as reassuring
honestly? it’s not fair that women get a fancy glass ceiling while us guys just get the regular ol kind
Usually I can make sense of your posts but this one left me in the dark
well we can’t have that, Tommy. this post plays off of the phrase glass ceiling by dodging the actual definition and instead expressing supposed jealousy at a literal meaning of the metaphor
When my cousin Olivia was three, she started preschool and became best friends with a boy named Abraham. Most people called him Abe, even then, because Abraham is a mouthful for a three year old and, to most people, it’s the logical nickname.
Not, however, according to Olivia, who decided to nickname him Ham.
No one’s really sure whether she wasn’t totally listening when he was introduced and only caught the last part of his name, or if she decided Abe was too boring a nickname, or maybe she was just hungry, but the nickname has stuck for the last twenty years. Of course, Olivia was and still is the only person to use it.
When they were seven or eight, he decided to get back at her by calling her Olive. That nickname stuck, too, and they’ve been Olive and Ham since. But only to each other. They get highly offended if anyone else calls them that.
Last night was their seventh anniversary, and Abe proposed to Olivia, and she said yes. And how did she announce it on Facebook, you may ask?
People used to tell me “If you like ham so much, why don’t you just marry it?” So I am.
Shout out to Olive and Ham, who are still engaged and adorable and who are planning on getting married sometime next summer
