man i had a dream that magic was discovered in the near future
but it was like. shitty unbalanced fantasy magic. like within a few weeks people had wikis and guides up on how to glitch in immortality potions and time spells. people are just tossing homemade black holes around. i looked on the news and saw some speedrunner made it to the edge of the universe
millenial from the year 1910: the moving picture show has fucking destroyed my sense of humor like i only laugh at shit like this now *video of a clown throwing a pie at the hoity toity town mayor*
millenial from the year 1010: the king’s court jester has fucking destroyed my sense of humour like i only laugh at this shit now *jingles stick puppet of the king’s face with bells attached and gets sentenced to death for mocking his majesty*
Smash or pass: the sexy tuna guy from the starkist cans
Fuck marry kill: green giant, sexy tuna, mr clean
You are NOT allowed to kill mr clean
This is obvious, kill the sexy tuna because that’s just weird, fuck Mr clean because he’s ripped and you know you won’t catch anything, now here you might think marry Mr clean because he’ll clean the house, but no, his cleanliness standards would be unbearable.
marry the green giant, making you basically a pagan god through marriage, and he can probably make vegetables grow using magic and as a vegan I need that, dick probably too big to do anything with but like, pagan marriages can be poly I think
I want you to know you are so powerful to be able to begin with “this is obvious”
