if i was a shapeshifter, half of my time would be spent making myself look androgynous and trimming up the things about my shape I’m not happy with, and half of my time would be spent making my teeth look just a little bit sharper than is normal, changing my eye-color subtly between slightly unsettling shades, and giving myself an intricate “tattoo” that just barely moves every couple of hours, until it’s in a whole new shape next time you look at me.
if i was a shapeshifter id have fat fucking tits
If I was a shapeshifter I’d be able to transition without having to spend a shit ton of money
he made my wife and i (i’m a woman) a giant banner for our one year anniversary
when i was pregnant, the baby was kicking and when he touched my belly, the baby stopped and he called him a little shit
he once called and left a voicemail asking how to spell styrofoam
he flipped a table bc he saw someone hit a dog
he beat skrim in 4 days
he served in the korean war and when he came home, he learned korean so if he ever ran into a korean vet, he could “give them the same respect he’d give an american vet”
my son has two moms and there was a “special guy in your life” day at his school for father’s day so my grandpa went and showed up in dress pants and a pressed shirt bc he “didn’t want to embarrass him”. also, there was a little boy who didn’t have anyone there and grandpa asked if he could be his “special guy” and the little boy beamed
he knows all of the secrets to the zelda games
he’s had 4 open heart surgeries and can still kick your ass
for those of you asking for an update, my grandpa is doing just fine! he’s in a wheelchair now bc he’s finding it difficult to walk, but don’t doubt; he can still kick your ass
This is supposed to just be a normal photo of Gritty with a youth hockey team, but because it’s GRITTY, it’s still the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.
This is like a file photo from a missing children’s case
“it’s him! It’s that stranger we saw outside Wawa. He’s in every one of these photos, always lurking in the background. Every single one.”
