Once I worked as an intern in the state capital. One of the representatives I worked for was this middle-aged guy. And he hated the tampon and napkin machines in the women’s bathrooms. Hated them. He insisted that they weren’t necessary.
I found out why after I’d been working there, oh, about a month. My period started suddenly, as it sometimes does, and I asked to excuse myself to go to the ladies’ room. He wanted to know why. I told him.
He started ranting about how lazy women were. How we wasted time. How we were so careless and unhygenic, and that there was no call for that. He finished by telling me that I certainly was NOT going to the ladies’ room and that I was just going to sit there and work. He finished this off with a decisive nod, as if I’d just been told and there could be no possible argument.
“If I don’t go,” I said in an overly patient tone, “the blood is going to soak through my pants, stain my new skirt that I just bought, and possibly get on this chair I’m sitting in. I need something to soak up the blood. That’s why I need to go to the bathroom.”
His face turned oatmeal-gray; an expression of pure horror spread across his face. He leaned forward and whispered, “Wait, you mean that if you don’t go, you’ll just keep on bleeding? I thought that women could turn it off any time that they wanted!”
I thought, You have got to be kidding.
Several horrified whispers later, I learned that he wasn’t. He actually thought a) that women could shut down the menstrual cycle at will, b) that we essentially picked a week per month to spend more time in the bathroom, i.e. to goof off, and c) that napkins and tampons were sex toys paid for by Health and Human Services. I didn’t know the term then, but he believed that tampons were dildos. Which was why he and a good number of his friends considered them luxuries.
And that’s how, at twenty, I had to give a talk on menstruation to a middle-aged married state representative who was one of my bosses. American politics, ladies and gentlemen.
why the fuck are princess doll toys and pet shop shit commercials always putting these weird theme songs in like they cant even rhyme them theyre always like “sparkles and glitter right before your eyes!!! she talks and dances and!!!!!!!!!!! spins and flies!!! Magic Surprise!! Horse”
a guy walked into the cafe earlier. he was wearing what looked like an expensive orange turtleneck, and had his hair styled up like an anime character and honestly he looked like he was having a great time. anyway he came up and ordered, and i gave him a table number and said i’d bring his order over shortly. he smiled and went over to his table. when his coffee was ready, i took it over to him and set it on the table and said that i hope he enjoyed the coffee and that he has a good day. he thanked me for being really nice to him, and that he isn’t used to being treated like this because he gets a lot of strange looks from people. i told him that it was no problem, and that i thought his turtleneck looked really nice on him. as i went to walk away, he stopped me and said ‘you’re really nice, so i want to let you in on a secret’. at this point i looked up towards my coworkers, who were motioning for me to go back over to them, but at the same time i really wanted to know what the secret was, so i politely said ‘uh, sure’. he seemed fairly trustworthy. it was a public place anyway, so he couldn’t really do anything. anyway. he proceeded to turn away from the other customers and just fucking…took the top of his turtleneck off. he explained that he cut the bottom of this long shirt and added velcro to the ends of it to make it a turtleneck. he held it in his hands and said ‘i’m a liar. everyone thinks it’s a turtleneck. but it isn’t. it’s great to have dumb secrets.’ and then put the fabric back around his neck and thanked me for his coffee again. i’m kind of scared now. what does this man know?
