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doctor: sir, i’m sorry. the results are in and i’m afraid you have updog
patient: wh- what’s updog
doctor, calling a nurse on the hospital’s intercom: KAREN GET IN HERE I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT
There’s a new girl in my kindergarten class who’s autistic and it’s like she’s barely / not really verbal but like idk she opened up to me a little, I don’t tell people I’m on the spectrum at work because they already treat me horribly because I’m the only poc there but like she’s a little Latina girl who I know exactly how she feels and like I was like “hey Nina, If you don’t wanna talk it’s okay, just thumbs up or thumbs down if you understand the (math) problem? Okay?” So we sorta made like a thumbs up and thumbs down thing between us and today it was the most surreal thing because I like “I know they tell you to make eye contact but I’m gonna tell you a trick, look at their neck, chin, hair, and whatever is behind them, I don’t like eye contact very much either? Thumbs up?” And she said with the smallest voice “Thankyou , for not saying I’m dumb” I wanna be the person I needed when I was her age


Me, waking up my children in 2035: “Get woke, Bae and Thot, it’s time to vore breakfast!”
You ever meet someone who is the human version of the sun and every time ur with them u just feel so warm