Author: joyem9

roxilalonde:

showing up late to a meeting with an iced drink is a power move. like with hot drinks the cup is opaque and people cant tell the temperature so they dont know how long ago you got it. maybe its hours old. maybe you just got caught in traffic. who can say. but iced drinks. its clear. they can see the ice. they can see if its still frozen. they look you in the eye and they know you were standing in line fifteen minutes ago and made the conscious, deliberate decision to get a mocha frap instead of being on time. and then you made ANOTHER conscious, deliberate decision to bring it into the meeting with you, informing everyone in attendance that on your list of priorities, each and every one of them ranks firmly below one (1) mocha frappuchino.

yourbitchystudentwriter:

nicholewrites:

Writing your own world’s mythology sounds hard until you realize most mythologies are created on the “oh, haven’t you heard?” principle

Some ancient Greek dude: hey why are you pregnant? You aren’t married

The lady about to come up with zeus: oh haven’t you heard?

petercapaldass:

doctadonner:

i can’t get in lifts with people because i have a sort of phobia of breathing in people’s breath

and when i got asked what was wrong by my law teacher (she thought i looked ill) 

I had to fucking reply “I prefer people when they’re not breathing” 

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

maxiesatanofficial:

maxiesatanofficial:

for real, though, why do recipes consistently tell you to use less herbs and spices in than you should. fuck your “two cloves of garlic,” fuck your “half teaspoon of cinnamon,” and you can absolutely go to hell with your “dash of black pepper”

I’m pretty sure that the only time I’ve ever actually managed to overseason food was when working with balsamic vinegar, which is the most overpowering motherfucker of a sauce known to man

i appreciate the energy and anger in this post, which is righteous and just

angelinthecrowsnest:

*naruto runs into your heart*

foxpost-generator:

furrypost-generator:

in all RPG games, the final boss is either your dad, God, or some sort of furry Abomination that everyone draws explicit fan art of

in Greek Mythology™ they are all the same person

high-school-fling:

spicy-vagina-tacos:

freezerburnt-capsicle:

dontbeanassbutt:

boy, blowjobs sure are a mouthful

jeez, that pun was hard for me to swallow

penis

thanks for your contribution